I love my husband.

Because of the events of this weekend, I feel compelled to write this blog post.  I haven't really felt compelled to write in awhile due to being busy, but I want to make sure I take time to write this.

I love my husband. 

He loves me.

A lot.

He and I both know this.  We have been learning what it means to love and how to love one another for over nine years . . . but sometimes something happens that makes you realize ALL over again just how much you love each other.

WARNING:  This is about a miscarriage.  If you don't like reading about things like that then STOP reading!  Go to another page!

This weekend, I finally had the miscarriage that we have been expecting for over a month.  (I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum pregnancy loss at nine weeks gestation.  Our pregnancy stopped developing at six weeks.)  It is a long story.  And sad.  Going for your first ultrasound and being told that there is no baby and that the pregnancy is not viable is devastating.

I wanted to have a natural miscarriage and so we waited and waited and waited.  Our last ultrasound (we have had LOTS of ultrasounds during this whole ordeal) showed my gestational sack deteriorating and since my doctor knew she wasn't going to get me to agree to a D and C, she suggested I take medication to help my body go into labor.  I asked for one more week of waiting.  She hesitantly obliged, but agreed.  By the time this weekend arrived and after quite a few prayers, however, I was ready to take the pills.

The whole experience was awful.  Lots of women on the internet write about their blighted ovum miscarriages, so if you want details, they're out there.  The one thing that made it less awful, though, was having Marcus there to make sure I was okay and to care for Bethany.  He is such a good husband and such a good dad.

Weekends like this make me realize just how blessed I am to have him.  It makes all those times that maybe weren't as easy seem really miniscule.  It makes petty arguments really laughable.  It makes those times when you've been frustrated with each other just melt away.

How do I know my husband loves me?  Because he was not too tired or disgusted to clean the remnants of one of the most terrible experiences of my life off our shower floor.  He wasn't grossed out by the sight of my blood all over the bathroom tile.  He cared for our sweet baby when I was too weak, dizzy, and lightheaded to move.  Did I mention that Bethany also threw up all over him this weekend?  And yes, he cleaned that up, too, because his wife wasn't able to help him. 

Good gracious.  I am loved.  God has blessed me with a good man.  May I never take him for granted.

We are all feeling better and are now moving forward.  Even though I felt worse during the miscarriage than after my c-section, today has been much better.  I am feeling more like a human again.  We even went out for a little bit this afternoon. 

I love my husband more with every passing day, but this weekend, he just blew me away.  I fell in love with him all over again.