Early Morning Thoughts
(Bethany's first Sunday at Summit.)
Sweet Bethany slept from 10pm to 5am, so I am feeling great this morning. After she ate and went back to sleep, I still had plenty of the 5am hour left, so I decided to get some pumping and laundry finished. After her morning feed, I usually try to pump for her daily bottle. (Her daily bottle with Marcus allows me to pump later in the day for back-to-work storage. I'm building up a good supply!) During my pumping regimen, I was reflected over my emotional chaos from yesterday with some prayer and perspective.
While I would love to stay home with my baby girl, if my husband were to come to me today and say, "You know what? Let's just go for it. We'll just make it work." I don't just think, I KNOW that I would have a hard time really and truly being okay with it. As much as I would love to be home, another part of me would say, but wait, what about her college savings account? What about our savings? What about saving to replace the car in the next two-three years? What about our retirement? What about being able to give generously without sweating over it? While these all seem like things that can be taken care of down the road, for me, and the way my brain is wired to plan ahead, I know I would feel some serious unease about them.
God instructs us not to worry about what we will eat or what we will wear. God will take care of us if I work or not. I know that. I know that if either Marcus or I were to lose our jobs and had no other choice but to survive on one income - we'd make it - however, I'm not in that position. (I am in the position of relying on God! I am not in the position of having one income.) I have a job and we have financial responsibilities. I know that I'm good at my job and for me, my career is very rewarding in more ways than one. Would it be as rewarding as staying home every day with my baby girl right now? That's still a question I struggle with. I think most working moms struggle with it. I recently read an interview where Katherine Heigl (mom and gorgeous movie actress) says that she struggles everyday with working, even though she LOVES what she does - and she's a glamorous movie actress. However, she wants to work and thinks that it's important for her daughter and family.
Do I think that I can work at still be a good mom? Yes. Absolutely yes.
I'm super thankful that the debt we carry is very minimal. Marcus and I got on the Dave Ramsey plan before we bought our house and knocked out thousands of dollars of credit card debt (all of it!) and managed to save for the down payment on our home. It was the most freeing thing we've ever done. It also taught us a whole heck of a lot about money. Dave's ideal plan is for a home mortgage is be one quarter of a family's monthly take home pay. While Marcus can cover the bills, we cannot say that our mortgage is one quarter of his monthly income. We're not there yet. Another reason why (for me) working is wise right now.
Speaking of getting there . . . this Saturday Marcus is going to see Dave Ramsey at the UCF arena to soak up some good knowledge on financial peace and planning. I know it will be good for us. Sometimes I think Dave is a little harsh, but he does bring a wise word when it comes to finances.
Haha. Now the tricky part is making sure I remember all of the above throughout the rest of this month and while I'm working! :) I'm happy to say that I don't cry about work everyday, heck, sometimes I can even go a week without tears, but my emotion-monster does come out occasionally and reasoning with her is a battle. Again, I'm getting there! :)
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28